If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
