Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
