I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
