I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no you cant smoke seaweed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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