hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
