If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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