Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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