I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
