i think my tv is drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
