butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
