i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize