Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
