Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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