its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
