They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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