I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I want is dick and wine.
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