I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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