"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
