I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
