I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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