Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
