Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
