To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
