like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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