As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My balls are so social today.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
