He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
