I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
