Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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