I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
someone owes me an orgasm
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
