You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
