I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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