hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
