Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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