My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
