He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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