1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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