He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
