Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
