Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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