she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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