Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
