dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
