I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
