This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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