What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
