I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
