Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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