I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
