The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
