Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
