i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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