I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
