I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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