it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
