You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
