two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We need to rekindle our bromance
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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