why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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