fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
