I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
