I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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