i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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